Angel Posing as a New 4 Year Old

I don't know how long it will be until the halo cracks, falls off, turns to lead...there are myriad possibilities.  But for now,  the golden halo over equally shining locks remains.

Admittedly it pains my heart not being a favorite.  Dad usually wins out, but Emmett has such an abundance of love in him, I still am on the receiving end of a huge smattering.

Emmett loves to talk about papa, and play with his model airplane.  His favorite foods are mama's bread with jelly, noodles and mama's sauce, and fruit leather in all shapes colors and flavors.  It sounds like her really likes my food, but unfortunately those three things are about all he likes.  Meal times bring out my only frustrations with this little man.

His favorite book to "read" is "Dear Zoo."  To be read to, "Mother Goose" is still a favorite as well as "Jack and the Bean Stalk" and anything with kind of spooky, but not too spooky illustrations and prose.

Emmett and I spent the afternoon together at the park while the girls were at piano
lessons and Berkeley was home with Bertha.  He blasted around on his scooter and we took
turns piloting the playground airplane or captaining the playground boat, whichever seemed
most appropriate in our imaginations.  We also climbed the chain link baseball backstop.  I think
Emmett was impressed how high I got.

Emmett watches carefully over his little sister.  He definitely does not like to clean up, which really isn't too much of an issue because he doesn't make messes, until a friend comes to play.  Then...it's a different story.

Gymnastics, bike riding, scooter tricks, you name it and Emmett can do it.  He is extremely pint sized (in fact people often think Emmett and Berkeley are only a year apart, and Berkeley is not big!) but packs an athletic punch.

Emmett can be quite shy in large group situations.  He loves to cling to mom and dad.  However his golden curls are so irresistible adults just can't leave him alone.  His pronouns are still all mixed up, most confused being "them" and "they."  I could listen to him say "geerwills" (girls) all day long it is so darn cute, and being the only boy amongst 3 sisters we hear it a lot.

After we dropped the big girls at gym, Emmett and Honey and I headed to the dinosaur museum.  We had a blast.
However at 4 years old those big bones were still a bit scary.  He huddled in the stroller and pulled the
shade down as far as possible.  Luckily enormous skeletons were not the only attraction.

I wish I could spend every moment playing pretend with Emmett, he begs all day and cheers out loud when school is finally done.  A casualty of homeschool is not as much one on one with this little man.  I squeeze in my moments when I can.  He is just beginning to get the itch to be a part.  We are starting to learn to write and letters.

Emmett's silliest posture comes when he is bit embarrassed or unsure of himself.  He hunches over, sags his shoulders as low as they will go and drops his head.  "Agghhh.   Nooo,"  he moans.  "I can't."

Most often however, his self esteem is soaring as he strikes poses like this:

It is so hard for me to let this little one grow up.  I just want to shield him from everything and everyone who is not a perfect as he is.  Alas, I know I can't.   We love you Emmett!

February Piano Recital

Callista playing Beethoven's "Rage Over a Lost Penny."

Ellery playing "Swan Lake."  You'll love this one!

Ellery is floating on air.  Her teacher informed her she will be playing Chopin's "Minute Waltz" for her next solo.  Unsimplified.  Usually the children choose their own solos, but her teacher felt this would be a perfect fit.  Ellery fell in love the moment she heard it.  If there is anything that just sends Ellery into a blissful state it is tackling a challenge she feels is very grown up and far above what any girl her age is doing :).

Hawaiian Video Moments

Here are a few video moments we captured during our trip...a lot of wild life, and believe me not all of the  "wild living" was done by animals!

Second Piano Competition

Ellery competed in her second piano competition on Friday.  It was a rough day on all of us.  Ellery was sick with a terrible head cold.  The kind where her nose would not stop running, and her head was pounding.  But in true Ellery style she persevered.  Her performance was certainly not her best, but she walked away with a  "Superior" and one plus.  She was devastated and bawled.  (Her mother's child.)  

You win some and lose some.  It was difficult for me to watch, because I know how she can really play her songs.  The perfectionist in me is always leering its ugly head.  I wanted her to have "3 plusses" and play to her ability.  We invest a lot of time into this foray.  It is difficult not to become personally discouraged when my children don't perform well.  Not only do I hurt for them, but it is a blow to my personal pride.  I've got to get over it.  No one is ever at the top of their game 100% of the time, especially when they are sick.   I wish I had a good recording but I don't.  Here is a practice session we recorded.  We were trying to correct some of the awkward postures she moves into.  Forgive the out of tune piano.

Today it Made Me Smile...

I have to admit, a lot of weeks I go to church and don't feel like I come away with much.  I think this is a result of several things.  The major factor:  Honey Fat.  Church ends up more like a silent wrestling match, or at least me trying to be silent as I silence her, during the services.  Then I usually spend 90 minutes trying to sneak out of nursery without her wailing.  A consequence of being the baby of 4, she is very contented surrounded by family.  Or I end up home with sick kids, or a napping child.  If I am being 100% honest, church isn't really when I seem to be able to fill my spiritual tank.

That said...sometimes I catch a snippet.  A little gem that lifts or inspires me.  Today was such a day.  The last few years "Gratitude Journals"  have been all the rage.  It is a wonderful practice.  But today, a woman spoke of a different kind of daily log. "Today it Made Me Smile."  It made me smile.  I love thinking about all the things that make me smile.  Here are a just a few from the last two days...

• I won my first race ever.  I've had plenty of age group wins but never an overall 1st place.  It wasn't a fabulous time by any stretch of the imagination.  But it was a cool feeling not a having a single woman in front of me.  And the prizes were amazing!  What was the difference in this race? The women from my fabulous running group were all there.  But not running.  Instead...they trailed in front and behind me in a minivan coaching and cheering all 6.2 miles.  

A very unflattering picture.

• The minivan of middle-aged women coaching me like I was going for an olympic win.  I don't know why, but this just has made me feel like a million dollars for 2 days straight.   Brent is always asking me, "Are you sure you want to live here?"  My response,  "I'm not leaving my running crew."  You just can't replace... 
• Amanda in her tight jeans (which she looks really hot in) running in front of me yelling, "Refocus.  Start a new race.  Close your eyes!" 
• Marie, "Keep your eyes up, focus on the guy in the white.  Catch him."  
• Josie, toddler in arms, "She's 200 yards behind you.  Stay strong."  
• Jen, holding all three of her tiny kids, in her sweet soft-spoken way "Come on.  You got it.  Just up this hill." 
• Desi, in the minivan picked up after just finishing her 5k whispering in a throaty voice, "Thank you so much.  Come on!"  (We switched 5K and 10K  spots at the last minute because she got sick.)

I just don't know how many people are as lucky as I am to have these women who are such good friends to me.  There is something about doing hard things which really brings you together.

• A Snuggle from Ellery.  Not atypical, but the circumstance brought a big inner smile.  Our piano teacher asks her students to play their sacred music each Sunday to keep up their repertoire.  Ellery was playing through her list of hymns and a Medley she is currently learning.  She got stuck.  I wouldn't let her stop until she figured it out.  She was furious and refused help.  "Sweet is the Work" was being pounded as loudly as possible at one point.  It wasn't sweet work, believe me.  Finally, I got her through.  She was still pounding.  As she finished the song, Brent asked her to come sit down.  In the sweetest little voice she said, "No Daddy, I want to snuggle with Mommy."  She nestled right in and spooned with me for 15 minutes, holding my hand.   Not a morsel of angst lingering.  There is something about doing hard things which really brings you together.

• Callista beating the socks off the big boys in a impromptu foot race home from church.  In her Sunday shoes.  Believe me they were trying.

• Brent coming home a day early from his trip.  Life just isn't the same without him.  I had a wonderful long conversation with his mom.  She mentioned the only one of the 10 commandments associated with a direct promise is, "Honor thy Father and thy Mother, that thy days may be long upon the land."   Brent never wavered in his obedience and respect to his mom and dad.  I know many obedient people whose lives seemed to be far too short, but I am banking on the literal fulfillment of that promise.

• Emmett moaning through his fever, in his high little voice, "Mommy...I love you so much."  Not atypical, but how could that not elicit a smile.  And...Emmett sitting as peaceful and serene as ever while getting blood drawn, for a vitamin D check.  It is so torturous when a doctor asks you to choose one of your children to have a blood draw.  Ugghhh.  I tell you though, those nurses had never seen anything like it as Emmett watched every moment carefully and trustingly, just giving a little moan at the poke.  Angel.  I take zero credit for him.

• Singing "Come Thou Fount" with the church choir today, and remembering when I sang the same song at my Grandma's funeral.  Thinking of her.  And of my uncle telling me it was the most beautiful thing he had heard (his emotions speaking).

Hopefully I'll take the time to record more of these moments that make me smile, because they come fast and furious.  Something I hope I never forget.

 Finally Snow!!!

"Still No Snow" by Ellery

Still No Snow

by:  Ellery

The trees are Bare
the grass is out grown
its the first of winter
no snow

The flowers are dying
the leaves are crumbling
Its the middle of winter
Still no snow

The trees are scraped
the bark is almost gone
the last of winter
Still no snow

Cute as a Button

Honey is grand thief when it comes to stealing her brother and sister's hearts.  After making a pillow case and pajama pants, in her "Cute as a Button" sewing school, Ellery decided Honey needed her own pair of matching pants.  I've loved watching Ellery gain confidence in this class.  It is only 1 hour a week, but well worth it, and it seems enough for her to be learning some real skills on the sewing machine.

On any given night you will find Honey Fat strutting around, belly out, in her pajama pants, certain she is as old as her siblings, all the while Ellery is glowing in pure pride and joy.

This is the stuff life is made of.

The Man Club: President and Side Kick

Meet the president of The Man Club.   Sometimes we refer to him as El Presidente.

...and his trusty side kick Honey, whom he admitted into the club.

Today you had to remove your shirt to be in the man club.  Typical man behavior.  I need to clarify to Emmett no more girls into his club.  It was supposed to be he and his dad.  But he said Honey really wanted to be a part.

(Yes.  You may have noticed, the president's nails are painted. Real men stuff.)

34 Years Young

 I spent the first 6 hours of my birthday in a serious funk (excluding the first hour during which I ran 6 miles in fairy wings and a feathery headband). There is just something about a birthday that brings out all the wrinkles, pounds, personality flaws, and motherly and wifely failures...

Mostly I just wanted to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself (which really only happens to me on my birthday).  Poor Brent was patient and thoughtful.   He even decorated the house with "ticket" streamers.  (I think we were out of crepe paper.)    You may remember the girls "blown up balloons" from last year.  It is always interesting to see what surfaces when it is mom's birthday.

Around 1 pm I finally got a grip and finished the day full of cheer.  The day after we celebrated and took the family out to breakfast, got a babysitter and Brent and I went to Park City.  It was a great birthday.

"Baca Baca!" Larisa

We had a call over Christmas which made us so sad.  Our sweet Larisa is done.  It is a good move forward for her as she is beginning nursing school.  She has been a wonderful part of our life for the last year and a half and we will miss her so much!

I don't know that the children can speak any Russian, but she was integral to our family functioning.  

Just 2 weeks ago my heart was so full as I watched Berkeley and Emmett just run and jump in her arms when she arrived.  Sighhh.  

  

Thank you Larisa!  We love you.

Didgeridooing in the New Year and 2011 Summary

Who knew Callista would have a natural flare for the Didgeridoo?  Grandpa received this gem from a work colleague for Christmas.  We had a "blast"  New Year's Eve trying our lungs on this creation from down under. It was a rare moment in the spotlight for Callista, who happened to be significantly better than Ellery.  When does that ever happen as the second child?  We were cheering her on with fervor.

No holiday season would be complete without "snowballs."  We used rice milk ice cream this year, and they were as yummy as ever.  Emmett was too afraid to eat his ice cream while the candle was lit, so he opted to be first out.  

 It was so fun to spend time with Brock and Amy, Daegy and Pierce.  We had some intense games of Settlers of Catan, during which my father became very offended at Brent's bargaining techniques.  It was just too much for him when we made a deal with Brock and Amy to keep the robber off their land for the remainder of the game.  BTW: Dad and Mom won.


2011 Year in Summary

We started this year about as low as we have ever been as a family.  We were dealing with a new, official diagnosis of PCD and bronchiectasis.

Ellery was completely non-functional with ear pain and emotional anxiety issues from all the doctors appointments and new regimes.

Callista was feeling abandoned and neglected.

Emmett was a gooey mess, but sweet nonetheless.

Berkeley's ears were a mess, but thankfully she remained out of the hospital through the winter.

Brent's busiest time of year, happens to be January, and with Ellery and I only sleeping a few hours each night, and crying the majority of a 24 hour period, I wasn't certain I would make it.

There were small miracles.  One that stands out is when Christy came back to my door after leaving, Brent was out of town, and said, "What am I doing leaving you here alone.  What can I do to help?"  Another was when Jill showed up at my door at 5:50 am so I could go run.  The countless hours my running friends spent listening to me cry and hash through my frustrations and fears as we ran.

In February we jumped ship for Hawaii, to try and pick the family up.  We were sick the entire trip but it seemed to turn the corner for us.  Ellery started walking again, as her stomach pain subsided.  I got control of myself.  Brent and I reconnected. Emmett was in heaven in his bathing suit for 11 days.

Unfortunately, at the same time Papa turned the corner.  He was hospitalized and never came home, finally passing away in March after some excruciating final months.  It was extremely difficult for Mimi, and all of the children who flew back and forth to California again and again to help during these months.

Spring and Summer were busy as the children began to excel in gymnastics.  My running intensity picked back up again.  Thankfully life was very uneventful.

The end of Summer brought a few illnesses but nothing we couldn't handle.  Homeschooling with 4 children is both exhilarating and exhausting.  It is a constant battle for me to temper my intensity, which my daughters all seem to have inherited.  Callista being the most like me.  Maybe because we both fell second girl, second child.  Math whizzes, love reading...but love our independence too.  I believe the children are thriving but not without a mental and emotional cost on my part.  There are lots of rewards but each day is filled with challenges as well.

The year closes and we are in such a peaceful place.  Not everything has certainty.  Of course we wish there were more snow.  But each little speed bump we seem to be handling.  The course has been moving us forward.

Didgeridoo in the New Year!  Let it begin.