Books that Changed Me

This isn't a post of intellectual or any other form of snobbery, but only an expression of my hope that others can find the same joy and journeys in literature as I do.

"The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoevsky 

I can only compare this book to the Bible in its power to demand self reflection.  Dostoevsky brilliancy is unmatched by anything I have read.  His books have a disturbing way of making me probe every belief I've clung to.  Sometimes in this book I wanted to reject God and religion completely.  Other times I wanted to throw it on the ground.  I find myself drawn in some ways to the most vile of characters, but in so doing I am forced to expand my circle of understanding and sympathy just that much more.  I wish in one fell swoop my heart would soften but it needs constant reminding.

I'm amazed by the life of Dostoevsky.  He was by all accounts dysfunctional on almost all levels.  And yet his novels clearly show me God can use any person as His instrument.  God bestows His gifts on His children in all times and places regardless of any earning.  History seems to pound this lesson into me, over and over again, be it Mozart or Joseph Smith.

Dostoevsky raises so many questions.  He answers none of them.  Maybe that's why his novels force me to think beyond my comfort zone and leave me so hungry.

"The God Who Weeps"  by Fiona and Terryl Givens

If freely admit I have a crush on this man's brain.  For three years I have followed his work, read his articles and books, and listened to podcast interviews. Mormon history is fraught with so many troubling things.  Joseph Smith is one of the most complex historical figures in 19th century America. God and religion themselves can be messy and difficult to make philosophical sense of.  At times, I figuratively have to jump ship.  It's always been this way for me.  I have this strange dichotomy of faith and doubt.  Whether I was 14 and reading "Doctrines of Salvation"deeply disturbed by the complete dismissal of Scientific reasoning or 19 sitting in a dark corner of the Special Collections library in college surrounded by 20 dusty books on polygamy (I don't think they were flying off the shelves much at BYU). Terryl's work has helped me wade through what can seem at times just too murky.  He describes true faith as impossible without equal compulsions to believe or disbelieve.  Faith is first and foremost a choice.

"The God Who Weeps" was just published and coauthored with his wife.  It is a theological treatise on the "Mormon" God they believe Joseph Smith introduced us to.  I am on board.

The Givens' describe a God who is perfect because of his vulnerability, not power.   Life is not about creating an account of good deeds or ordinances, instead it is about learning to expose ourselves and our hearts as God does.  Becoming Godlike is not about becoming powerful but about becoming vulnerable.   Weeping.  

There is a beautiful chapter on the pre-existence which tackles head on the theodicy (or the problem of an omnipotent God and the existence of pain, evil...etc).  For me, it provided the most intriguing and honest answer.  It wasn't anything I have ever learned being a mormon all my life, but it was brilliantly clear to me in the scriptures and doctrine once elucidated.

I love the Romantics.  Givens is a professor of Romantic literature.  He draws literary and historical parallels from myriad personalities and faith traditions, which enhance the understanding of God Joseph introduced us to.

A few tough issues or scriptural incidences were glossed over or omitted.  However it is not a long read, nor does it claim to be exhaustive.

A fascinating corollary to reading this book was the insight it brought me about some of the brutality of Christianity through the ages.  The girls and I just waded through some of the most disturbing times in Europe including the Crusades and Holy Wars.  I have a small inkling on how they used the God they understood as justification for their atrocities.  That God I dismiss.  I don't know how much liberty we do or do not have with God to create or understand Him in a way that brings us the most peace.  It may be offensive, or pompous.   I'm not sure.  But for someone like me, if I can't understand my religion and my personal relationship with God with a bit of flux it may give way completely.

There was also a time in my life when I could "shelve" things for later.  I must be going through a mid-life crisis of some sort, but that won't work right now.  I don't know all the reasons.  I have a brain which never puts my keys or phone in the same place, writes down a recipe, or remembers to fill the car up with gas.  A brain which forgets to temper its enthusiasm and passion in conversation (leading sometimes to unintended offenses).  But, this same brain is giddy trying to solve a math problem or dive into a new ocean of research.

I unreservedly recommend this book, especially to all those searching to find a God they truly want to adore and worship with their reason and their heart.   For me it is on the right course.



Other Books I've Recently Read Independently or With my Children:

"The Witch of Blackbird Pond" by Elizabeth George Speare  This is an insightful introduction to early American history and Puritan society.  It gently helped my girls understand the dangerous prejudices of religious fanaticism rampant during the 17th century, and kept them eager with just enough romantic drama.

"Johnny Tremain" by Esther Forbes I felt I had the inside scoop on the American Revolution in this novel.  The history was excellent and didn't feel artificial or overly romanticized.  As a historian writing a children's book, Forbes brought well earned historical insight right along side an emotionally intriguing plot.  

"Walk the Worlds Rim" by Betty Baker  This book provided an interesting perspective on the Conquistadors and the exploration of the Southern United States and Mexico.  It is something I have little knowledge and I enjoyed experiencing it through the eyes of an adolescent Native American, in his own coming of age journey.

"The Candymakers" by Wendy Mass If you are in the mood for a little mystery, this is a clever, well written, plot driven book.  Neither Ellery nor I could put it down.  Much to Callista's chagrin, the two of us independently snuck it off and read it outside of read-a-loud.  "Mommm!  That is so unfair!"

"Carry On, Mr. Bowditch" Jean Lee Latham  I am so grateful Latham chose to immortalize this man's life.  He was fascinating and brilliant.  Against odds, he contributed quietly but profoundly to society.  This book provides an excellent example of perseverance and positive ambition.

"Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand  (Not appropriate for children) I simply couldn't get on board with the unbridled capitalism and humanism of this book.  I recommend it because of the complex and thorough argument Rand presents for the virtue of such a society.  Unrestrained capitalism becomes the utopia inside a dystopia of government regulation and dependency.  However, Rands utopia for me, left much to be desired.

"Angel Prayer" by John Johnson  I was given this book at book exchange.  Reading the inside cover, it wasn't one I would probably have chosen off a shelf.  However, I was pleasantly surprised.  The plot was interesting enough to keep me turning the pages with equal doses of mystery, crime, romance, and self-discovery.  I think at this particular moment this book spoke to me because of an overriding theme of develop a beautiful heart.  A beautiful heart being a vulnerable one.  The protagonists life is presented contemporaneously and in flash back.  We see he's had opportunities to become vulnerable yet missed them.  It takes tragedy for him to understand he must weep and hurt to become the kind of person he sees in others but cannot see in himself.   Too often I miss the small opportunities in my life to open my heart and weep more.  When the circumstance is so acute or expansive, the birth of child, the health of a loved one, the rejection of a friend... it can't help but be transformative. I have these.  I need these.  But I think if I look a little closer I have these opportunities everyday.  Why not try to a little better everyday?  Count me in.

Favorite Quote of the Weekend: 

Dieter F. Uctdorf's quote:

"Don't judge me because I sin differently than you."

So true.  We all have our own struggles.  What right do I ever have to judge anyone else?

Ellery's Baptism

Ellery before her Baptism.  She is positively glowing.  A beautiful person.

We are so proud of our Ellery for choosing to be baptized today.  She turned eight years old, on May 23rd, qualifying her to make this decision.  In doing so, she takes upon herself the name of Jesus Christ.  Baptism is the gate to eternal life, and we are so grateful she entered into the waters.

Ellery and her Dad on her Baptism Day

Ellery and the little ones.  Berkeley wasn't thrilled about the whole thing.

Ellery was baptized by Brent.  She then received the gift of the Holy Ghost, through hands being placed upon her head and the blessing and command given.  If she is obedient she now has the ability to have the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, and Teacher with her at all times.  Two saving ordinances in one day.  A big day.  A beautiful day.

I spent last weekend sewing Ellery's dress.  She found one she loved on the Internet so we created it for her, adding some of our own touches.  She wanted to be baptized in her dress.  We opted out of the "jumpsuit."

Surrounded by our good Bishop Beeson and his family, our families, several neighbors and close friends, it was a perfect morning.  After the baptism, we returned home for a little luncheon with Brent's mom, his brother's family, my sister Charlotte and her family, and Monica.  Ellery's flute teacher Amber and our nanny Larisa also came with their husbands.

Ellery's Hair 

It was a big day for our family, but the Spirit has been telling me she is ready.  Without those quiet consistent promptings the last several weeks, this would have been a more difficult day.  It is scary to see your own child reach an age of accountability.  Christ must be more central in her life.  Repentance.  Charity.  Forgiveness.  Hope.  She is no longer saved by her innocence, but by Christ.  Brent gave her a beautiful blessing to aid her as she embarks on this journey of a lifetime to be His true disciple.

Callista gave a talk in Primary on Sunday. Here is one of her practices. She was very nervous. I was so proud that she staved off the giggles and the tears. She only needed a bit of help. With our life so crazy right now she only practiced the talk for a couple days. The poor little lamb kept saying, "Mommy, when will we be writing my talk?"

Sunday Insights:Thoughts from Socrates

Now that I have few moments here and there (Berkeley is still sleeping like a dream on her new schedule), I thought I would try to put down some of my religious musings again. The danger behind this is that I expose my ever changing, or maybe evolving, ideas. I think I believe as Socrates said,

"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing." Republic

It just seems that way sometimes. The more I read and study and learn, the more I realize I really just don't know anything. I feel so inconstant. A precarious personality attribute. It makes me feel I am balancing on a fine line of being faithful to new truth, and being blown about by every whim. Which leads me to my second Socratic thought for the day,

"The unexamined life is not worth living." Apology

I can't say I wholly agree with this, because I do feel life is precious gift from God worth living, no matter the costs. But I think I understand what he was saying. I was listening to an interview this last week and the interviewee altered this quote slightly to mean,

The unexamined religion is not worth following.

This struck a chord somewhere inside me, because a deep examining is precisely where Brent and I find ourselves. I can only speak for myself because while our faith intricately connects us, it is very individual as well.

A note on authoritarianism....

I think it is important to note, looking back, this journey began as I found myself questioning the authoritarian model of understanding I have always leaned so heavily upon since youth. As I became disillusioned politically, my faith in mainstream anything started to fail me. The newspaper, television, books, the internet. But a conundrum arises. I cannot discover everything experientially or first hand. Therefore, there must be a place for authoritarianism in defining my personal ethos. I have to trust in the expertise of others in some circumstances. The question becomes, which authority do I trust? This dilemma arises in questions of nutrition, economics, politics, religion... basically anything that is important to me.

This post starts a series of posts pertaining to my examination of my religion.

I begin with a caveat: Somethings I do know experientially.

I know I have had the experience the scriptures describe as being "born again," or "becoming a new creature in Christ." I was 15 years old. I will never forget the circumstances, the overwhelming emotions, the understanding welling in my mind, the connection with the Savior. It was a grounding experience. Powerful enough to carry me through whatever trials of faith come.

Immediately following this came a similar experience regarding the Book of Mormon. Whatever questions I may run into about its origins or historicity, I know it is the word of God as revealed to Joseph Smith.

What these two experiences solidify in my mind is the reality of personal revelation. I think this is where the crux of my belief must lie. As my authoritarian view of life has crumbled and led to close examination of so many things, it has opened my mind quite a bit. Now my attempt is to seek for truth. Not truth as someone has already explained it to me. It is daunting, and even exhausting, but crucial. I feel I have a jump start, because some things I already know.

I also know a life of faith and devotion to the Savior, family, and the LDS church are for me. It is what I want for myself and my children. This search doesn't feel like an issue of losing or shaking my foundational faith. But instead, a reexamination of the origins of my religion, who and what I place my faith in, and what the doctrines of my religion truly are.

Here are some of the things I am working through, in no particular order of relevance...

the nature of God,

grace versus works,

the atonement,

polygamy,

prophets and apostles,

doctrine versus culture,

blacks and the priesthood,

women and the priesthood,

homosexuality,

authority,

changes in the Book of Mormon,

evolution...

It is both invigorating and challenging. I think that non-comprehensive list is enough to last me for quite some time.

Sunday Insights: Mothers, Teaching, and Public Schools

A recent talk by Elder Perry seems appropriate to celebrate this Mother's Day. What follows are some excerpts from his talk given in April, and my personal thoughts concerning them:

"Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family."

Two thought provoking and provocative books I recently read assert that public schools are one way families are being attacked. Both books are by John Taylor Gatto, a renowned, 30 year veteran school teacher of the NYC public school system. (Dumbing us Down and Weapons of Mass Instruction, I recommend the second more than the first. It is more historical and substantive. While I do not agree 100% with everything Gatto says, his books are well worth a discerning read.)

One premise in his book is that by taking children away from their families for the majority of the day, when they are most vulnerable to outside influences, parents eventually become secondary in the lives of their children. Ever seen this happen?

Do We Know What our Children are Taught Outside of our Home?

"My siblings and I were quizzed very carefully by our mother after we had been taught away from the home to be certain the correct lessons were reaching our ears and shaping our minds."

How many of us quiz our children about how their minds are being shaped as they are away from us? Are we able to "detect the subtle and brazen" attempts to destroy our families. A few recent examples from our own life seem pertinent. These examples speak to the questionable influences of school in my own child's life. Two represent outward pressure enforced on children by other children, resulting from the financial aims of the school and the final a disturbing lack of solid curricula.

School Contests

Our school cafeteria devised a contest scheme amongst classrooms. The class with the most students purchasing school lunch in a month would receive a class party. Now, I have eaten lunch at our school and the offerings are little less than poison to a growing child's body. The pressure resulting from this contest, had a dear friend of mine, with 4 children in the school, baffled and digging deep into her pockets to supply the sudden desire of her children to eat school lunch. It also led to comments from children like "Our class isn't going to win because so-and-so has allergies and he will never eat school lunch." Hmmm.

And then yet another contest Ellery came home passionate about. The class with the most children visiting a particular website (and she proceeded with a 5 minute discussion of the password, multiple clicks and destinations required) and purchase a season pass to the local water park would receive a party. She was devastated when I told her we wouldn't be purchasing a season pass. I am having a baby and it isn't practical. "But we have to so my class can get the party!"

Can you see where this is going? Why did they spend so much time "schooling" my child about how to visit a website to raise money for the school? The sponsorship and encouragement of these contests results in the shaming and guilt of the non-participative children and families. Inexcusable. This is not the kind of socialization I want for my child. It is pitting children against their parents. Our innocent little ones want a party, who doesn't, and when mom and dad stand in the way, who becomes the bad guy, the school or the parents? I realize this is not deliberately done by teachers or administrators. They are good people trying to earn a living and help children, in a broken system. I know, I was one of them.

School Content

Finally, a third example which distressed me recently. We attended a little program put on by the first graders. The children spent a great deal of time learning and memorizing songs about families, being VIP's, sharing, being kind to Grandma etc. It was very cute and entertaining program. (Although Ellery complained several times in the weeks previous about how boring it was to always practice the songs.) So why does this upset me you wonder? What could be wrong with teaching the children values at school?

The problem is school is not the setting to teach these values. Values separated from God, the gospel and our families don't have staying power. They are simply words from strangers, divorced of meaning. The home is where values are taught. Schooling should be about educating. If we aren't educating at school, and we have no time left to do it at home, when does it happen? Why wasn't my child singing cute songs full of accurate historical data? Why was she learning "social studies" instead of history. (Another great read addressing this issue is Cultural Literacy by E.D. Hirsch. The middle gets a bit long, but he presents some compelling data on how schools are failing to educate our children anymore.)

Lost Luxuries

As I read Elder Perry's talk I think about the "luxuries" afforded to mother's and families 70 years ago. He speaks of washing dishes and churning butter (I know churning butter doesn't seem like a luxury, but it was time the family worked and did things together)...school, media, and activities weren't so intrusive. Time was left for the chosen curriculum both secular and spiritual of his mother. Many families today don't have that luxury. By our own design, through over-scheduling and media, or through the demands of school assigned homework. Homework is not curriculum chosen by mothers or families.

"Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and school, can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she] should go” (Proverbs 22:6), ultimately this responsibility rests with parents."

I believe an extremely vigilant parent can work within the school system and have a strong family. However, without severely limiting activities and media, constant surveillance, and supplementation of their education I don't know how this is possible. Who does that? Is that why families are falling apart? Could that be why LDS church leaders beg us to filter out media from our lives and really focus on our sacred God given roles?

Being the Central Cast Member

"According to the great plan of happiness, it is parents who are entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father’s children. Our families are an integral part of His work and glory —“to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). On God’s eternal stage, it is usually intended that parents act as the central cast members in their children’s lives. Fortunately, there are understudies involved in the production who may step in when parents can’t. It, however, is parents who have been commanded by the Lord to bring up their children in light and truth

(see D&C 93:40).

Brent and I are determined to be the central cast members in our children's lives. It will be difficult and I know we will face scorn. Any time our choices move out of the mainstream people feel threatened or offended. I still struggle getting past my own insecurity in dealing with the scrutiny and questioning of others in our decisions on how to raise our family, but I am constantly comforted and guided by a husband, impervious to what others think of him (a true gift), and the Holy Spirit.

"I believe it is by divine design that the role of motherhood emphasizes the nurturing and teaching of the next generation. We see so many challenges today from distracting and destructive influences intended to mislead God’s children. We are seeing many young people who lack the deep spiritual roots necessary to remain standing in faith as storms of unbelief and despair swirl around them. Too many of our Father in Heaven’s children are being overcome by worldly desires. The onslaught of wickedness against our children is at once more subtle and more brazen than it has ever been. Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the home adds another layer of insulation to protect our children from worldly influences."

A Challenge and Vision

I would challenge each of us as mother's or parents, to prayerfully discern the best ways to be the central role players in our children's lives, to insulate and protect them. Personally, I feel lucky. This is a journey most effectively begun now when my children are young. It is about being the best mother I can, looking back on Mother's Day many years from now without regret, only with joy.

Happy Mother's Day to All...Now and Future

Sunday Insights: Seeking the Best Gifts

Gifts Many

I don't think I have spent enough time and prayers in my life seeking the "best gifts." The scriptures are replete with mentions of the spiritual gifts of God, given to those who serve them. We find these gifts mentioned my Paul in 1 Corinthians, Moroni names and pleads for us to recognize and seek these gifts in the very moments he closes his epic account in the Book of Mormon in Moroni 10, and finally Joseph Smith again reiterates in D&C 46.

Be Blessed, and Bless

The gifts are varied and wonderful. We are not given them all. But as Paul explains, the church and members are as the body of Christ. Each of us are given different gifts, we become different "parts" but together function as a whole. Yet, we are also commanded to seek earnestly these gifts, that we, and those around us may all benefit.

Personally

Both messages struck home to me this week. I felt immensely blessed by a spiritual gift given to someone in my family. Equal to that immensity was the gravity and necessity I felt to pray for a gift for myself, to aid in the efficacy of the blessing. The Lord stands ready and willing to help. We must seek the way. Find those who will help us in our journey and train our own lives to seeking His will.

This all amounts to the continuing drama in this pregnancy. But despite the extreme actions and precautions of my doctors I am confident this pregnancy will result in a healthy baby girl to add to our beautiful family, and that my health will be sustained. In church today, a sweet great grandma said to me "Oh, Rebecca, your children are just so beautiful and sweet, I just hope you have at least a dozen!" I smiled and sincerely thanked her. I somehow doubt that is in the cards for us.

A less than ideal doctors visit on Thursday, resulted in multiple visits to the hospital (which will continue for the duration of the pregnancy) and 1-2 doctor visits a week now. It is extremely time consuming. Still no full bed rest, thankfully. Tuesday, I visit the perinatologists, specialists in treating high risk pregnancies.

After an ultrasound, there is some concern my baby is not growing quickly enough, another side effect of preeclampsia. Irregardless of my history of small babies the doctors remained concerned. The perinatologists will be able to give us more accurate information on how big our little love bug is, and assure us that the umbilical cord and placenta are not toughening. I am certain their expertise will bring good news.

Peace

Amidst all this alarming information, I employed every persuasive tactic known to assuage my doctors fears. But to them, it is the sum of all the little parts that spell caution in capital letters. Admittedly, this week flooded me with tears and emotions. But the remaining emotion after sifting and working through myriad, is peace. Peace is what I will hold on to. I can testify the Lord is with me each step of the way, intimately acquainted with each turn in the road, leading me tenderly, often through the gifts and influence of those closest to me.

Sunday Insights: Humility of a Child

Last week, we had one of those days which didn't seem to work out right. I am delving into some new curriculums based on the Classical Methodology for our homeschooling. As soon as I work out the kinks I will post on my new vision and direction for next year. It is requiring an intensive effort on my part. However, I feel the end results will be excellent and not too labor intensive on a day to day basis.

Some things work and some don't. The particular line up I tried, on this day last week, didn't. Ellery was a bit grumpy on top of everything. We finished the morning, and I felt a huge chasm between where I want my teaching and mothering skills to be, and the reality of the day.

And then, this:

We've recently read some Graeme Base books, thus the girls are enthralled with incorporating hidden letters and pictures into everything.

Certain days I more vividly reminded of how much I have to learn from my children. On this particular morning, I felt more confused by the words of the Savior to his disciples in Matthew 18:2-3

"And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them. And said, Verily I way unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."

I wondered how it could possibly help me to be difficult, and grumpy, stamp my foot, let fly an occasional, extremely loud outburst...But then again, I wasn't responding in perhaps the most effective manner.

And yet, my sweet little Ellery, at first occasion upon arrival home from school wrote me a love note. She seems convinced I am the most wonderful mother in the world and our time together is precious and even "fun" to her, this all springing forth from her little heart on one of our hardest days.

Matthew 18:4-5

"Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me."

I pray fervently to have this kind of forgiving heart, and see through weaknesses in others and love so unconditionally as my children do. In so doing, I will receive Christ, more fully and completely.

The Path Chosen

Guess what could be found in my fridge this week? A tall orange jug, similar to one you may have seen here before...

After a big scare on Tuesday things are quiet on the home front now. I at least have another week in the clear, until my next doctors appointment/blood draw/collection.

The little sweet pea inside me should have fully mature lungs by this point. I know, because I had a 4 inch needle to the hip twice.

I have to admit this method my body seems to have of getting babies into this world is puzzling to me. Such a stark contrast to what I envisioned for myself. I just keep reminding myself of the lesson I learned at my hair dressers 6 years ago. "Just think what it might have been." If I was obese, sedentary, junk food addict, maybe I would have babies born at 29 weeks. But so far every time this body has taken them to 37 weeks. Instead of frustration, I begin to feel overwhelming gratitude. I have 3 beautiful children. One more on the way.

I have to admit, bawling to my doctor on Tuesday. This wasn't what I envisioned. I want to experience childbirth. The contractions, the challenge, the pain, the euphoria. But again I was reminded to count my blessings. I know too many beautiful women who would trade places in a moment with me, to carry their own child.

There are so many lessons to be found in life. Each circumstance I encounter helps me learn and grow and relinquish just a little more of myself to the Savior, recognizing I am not in charge. I pursue the path I feel he directs me in, but don't chose the things that meet me upon that path. Yet I am confident this is the right way for me. Without that confidence I don't know how anyone has the strength to meet all the challenges this world has to offer.

I'm reminded of Ellery's favorite part in Robert Frosts "The Road Not Taken."

Oh, I kept the first for another day

Yet, knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

"Proceed with confidence. Knowing your steps are guided as you strive to stay close to your Heavenly Father." These words are a personal treasure given to me 14 years ago.

Sunday Insights: Distractions

Distractions

One of my favorite quotes from this past LDS General Conference came from Elder Bradley D Foster, in the Sunday afternoon session. (Read the whole talk here it is short, but powerful, well worth your time if you missed it.)

"A distraction doesn’t have to be evil to be effective."

We are inundated with distractions. Many of these distractions are inherently evil, but many are not. Many can be educational, fun, interesting etc. I was reminded of another talk I heard recently given by our Stake President (leader over about 10 different wards or congregations). He told a story related to him by his son. This son teaches children 9-10 years old in Sunday School.

During a lesson on the Garden of Eden, he asked his class "Who bit the apple in the garden of eden." The answer he received was "Cinderella." This was greeted with a chuckle by the congregations. He gave a half-smile to acknowledge the reaction. Then his expression became grave. It was clear this wasn't meant to be a joke. He addressed his concerns that we as a people are allowing too many distractions into our lives. We may be missing the opportunities to teach and train our children, because our lives are too full.

Time for the Right Things

Disney princesses in themselves are not evil. There are plenty of educational programs and movies for children to watch on TV (I know my kids used to watch them). The question becomes, with all of these things a part of our daily lives do we find the time to teach and train?

One of the elderly women in my church made a comment to me several years ago that has stuck. She mentioned that maybe one of the reasons we are counseled as mothers to garden, sew, prepare meals etc, is to keep us at home. If we really do all these things, who has time for all the superfluous offerings of the world?

Perhaps this struck such a chord with me, because it is so true. Between bathing, teaching, preparing meals, feeding, cleaning, I really have no time left to wander around at the mall or worry about what the celebrities are doing. I barely have time to take a deep breath. The crazy thing is, I never seen to realize it until the very end of the day.

Eliminate Media

I believe eliminating TV and movies was a huge step for our family in the right direction (we never did video games). And I was one of those mom's with very strict limits on time, content, and occasion. Now my children sing and recite poems on the 2 hour trip up to grandma's. Our 10 hour road trip was the same. It never even crossed their minds to ask for movies (that was certainly not the case in the weaning period though!). We use our computer for the occasional foray onto PBS kids, or to watch a video of a favorite disney song. Technologically illiterate or naive are not my objectives.

Opportunities for Personal Growth

Our family, and myself especially have lots of room for improvement. I especially feel it after this week of spring break. I think the girls must have played barbies for at least 3 hours a day. I missed the schedule, and sensed they did too. Boredom turned to antsy which morphed into disagreeable. One of my New Years Resolutions was to be more involved in my children's play. I still feel this is an area I need to work on. Many times I just "check out" when they rush to their room to play blocks and dolls. This is precious time I could be a part of their make believe. I certainly do not want to infringe on their independent play, but I think there could be 20 minutes of my time well spent playing in their make believe.

As my children grow I think minimizing distractions will be far more challenging. There are so many sports, arts, activities, friends just "stuff" to become involved in. It will be a test as parents to set appropriate limits to allow sufficient time in our home for nurturing, teaching and training our children. I better start preparing myself now!

Scripture Verses for 2009-2010

Scripture Verses for 2009-2010

Article of Faith 1
Article of Faith 2
Article of Faith 3
Article of Faith 4
Article of Faith 5
Article of Faith 6
Article of Faith 7
Article of Faith 8
Article of Faith 9
Article of Faith 10
Article of Faith 11
Article of Faith 12*
Article of Faith 13*

Matthew 16:19
Job 19:25
Joshua 24:15
John 3:16
Luke 1:70

Luke 18:22*

John 14:15*

D&C 1:38

D&C 76:22*

Moroni 10:5
2 Nephi 27:23*
Moroni 10:32*
Mosiah 2:17*


We also keep these in a plastic jar. Recipe for success: Choose a 2 a day, in addition to the verse we are currently learning, and recite. The most difficult part about the scripture verses are keeping the references all straight.
*Scheduled to be completed by August

Sunday Insights: Identifying False Doctrine

"Money can't buy ev'rything! Money can't make you a king.

Money may not bring success; Money can't buy happiness!

But of one thing I am sure: Money doesn't make you poor.

Money doesn't make you sad; Money can't be all that bad!"

(Alfred's Basic Piano Library. Lesson Book 1A pg 8)

Sometimes we have those talks we read or listen to which just stick with us. Years later we remember where we were, who was speaking, how we felt, what the message was... This was the case with me around 9 years ago. I was in a large church meeting (a Stake Conference) with around 600 members probably in attendance. The presiding authority spoke (the Stake President).

What Was I Missing?

His talk was on identifying and correcting false doctrine. He spoke powerfully about how he was concerned with the amount of false doctrine being taught (almost always because of benign ignorance) in our churches. He challenged us to identify and publicly correct these doctrines, when it was our responsibility, ie. under our stewardship. I remember feeling struck by his words. And at the same time I was disturbed by them. I was disturbed because I couldn't think or recall hearing anything false taught. I was certain I was in many of the same meetings he was referring to. I wondered what I was missing and why I was missing it.

A Message to the Women

The monthly message in our church magazine this month encouraged women to become "Gospel Doctrine teachers in their homes" and "sister scriptorians." It is we as mothers, who must be able to identify and counter the false doctrines that can overwhelm our children. There are two parts to being successful in this challenge. One, we have to be there and aware. Two, we have to understand true doctrine and the subtle falsities we must correct.

A Lesson at the Piano

Just this week, Ellery came home with a new song in her piano book (as seen above). Most subtle and dangerous were what is unwritten. The melody is extremely catchy. The first two lines are to be played forte (loud), and the last 2 lines piano (softly). It is the quiet little secret of the last two lines that we share and giggle about together...

"But of one thing I am sure: Money doesn't make you poor.

Money doesn't make you sad; Money can't be all that bad"

It is what we think, not what our words profess, which truly describes how we feel. I spoke with Ellery about how the message of this song was disturbing to me. We talked about the true purpose of money, how it certainly can make one sad and extremely poor. My concerns were validated as I shared this story with a neighbor. I began to hum the melody and she stopped and said "Wait! I know that song. I played it when I was little!" She proceeded to sing the entire song word for word. She is 30 years old.

You would think a chilren's piano lesson book wouldn't be suspect to destructive messages. And yet this week, I found it was. I am grateful I am there with Ellery when she practices. I am aware of what she is learning. I am also grateful I can recognize these little things. Another example would be the movie from the Aquarium I mentioned in a post a week or so back. It is the sum of thousands of catchy little tunes, cartoons, commercials, textbooks, slogans etc. that add up to the eventual internalization of false principles in ourselves and children.

Time Equals Insight

I feel my ability to be prompted and directed to recognize these small things has increased significantly. Ten years ago, the subtleties eluded me. However, I believe, in direct proportion to the time I invest in serious study of the gospel, my insight has increased. A major turning point was eliminating the influence of media, in my life. Whereas 2 or 3 years ago, Brent and I would rent movies to watch on the weekends, now we read, study and talk together. It is so much more fulfilling. We reap benefits personally and collectively as a family.

Positive Feedback Loop

As I receive these little insights and find teaching opportunities with my children it is incredibly rewarding. In these moments I feel I am truly fulfilling my roles to nurture and teach my children in a way no one else ever could. It gives me motivation to spend more time with them and to become even more intimately aware of the things they are exposed to. It will only become more difficult as my children get older and experience more independence. Now is the time for me to help them build a solid foundation. Finally I am inspired to search more diligently so that I can understand with increased clarity the true doctrines of Jesus Christ.

Sunday Insights: A Softer Approach

This week I was taught to soften my approach,

and to refrain from undeservedly qualifying my views of "good."

The Cascade Literary Guild on the Orchards

This week marked the last Thursday of the month, and as such, the meeting of the Cascade Literary Guild on the Orchards (I admit, a fancy name for our book club). I look forward to this each month. I think one of my favorite things about this club is I am 25 years the junior of all other members. For the last 5 years this has allowed me a unique and refreshing insight into the minds of women, in completely different stages of life. These Grandmothers and Great Grandmothers offer a worldview unique and invaluable to me, as I strive to keep perspective in my little world of raising babies.

Three Cups of Tea

Our book this month was Three Cups of Tea. It is an inspiring account of the humanitarian efforts of Greg Mortenson in Pakistan and Afghanistan. His work stands as a testament of the power one individual has to change lives. As we discussed the good of this man and the wonderful Muslim people with whom he works, our discussion broadened to the invaluable contribution of all God-fearing people. While heterogeneous in age, profession and many other things, our Guild is homogenous in religious devotions. We were organized (but currently are not affiliated) as an outgrowth of the women's organization of our church, The Relief Society. I was able to share some of my experiences from being in the Holy Land. I gained a love for the Arab people (most of whom were Muslim) with whom I met and interacted. We had Islamic Clerics teach us of the 7 pillars of Islam. I left with a deep respect for a misunderstood religion and people.

Cultural Nutshell

It has been a unique experience to spend my adult life in an area predominantly of those of my religion. While the religion is never an issue, the culture of the area sometimes has been difficult to adjust to. I grew up in Iowa, Illinois, Michigan and Colorado. I became accustomed to being one of a very few who shared my beliefs. Some culture perceptions and colloquialisms often become thought of as doctrinal, but in fact are not. One colloquialism brought up was "They are such a wonderful person. And they aren't even Mormon!"

If You're Mormon You're Good

The danger in this phrase comes with the underlying assertion that you are automatically a "good" person if you are a Mormon, and if you aren't Mormon, you have to somehow prove you are "good." Clearly in no way is this the doctrine. I have met many of my faith, who are not pillars of goodness, and many outside of my faith who live

The Only True Church

One of the women in our club pointed out that we no longer preach "We are the only true church on the earth." With that statement I had to disagree. I feel this is a fundamental principle of our church. If it were not so, why would we proselyte? What need would there be for our church? We clarified as a group. What the women were trying to help me understand was the sensitivity now in which we present ourselves has increased. A better way to describe the doctrine, more consistent with the approach now taken, is that we are the only church which claims to have the authority to act in the name of God through his holy priesthood. Therefore, we have the fulness of the truth, an indispensable piece of the puzzle. We can add to the truth that so many other wonderful religions possess. Truth is out there in so many places and with so many people.

The Second Coming of Christ and the Millennium

Today Brent taught a lesson at church on the Millennium. He has beens studying it in depth for the last month or so. I have piggy-backed his journey a bit as well. It was amazing how many misconceptions I have grown up with concerning this period. I found I had fallen again into a sort of religious centrism. Here are some of my misconceptions...and I am just scratching the surface, I bet I have hundreds more!

A Few Misconceptions

1-At the second coming of the Savior "every knee shall bow and tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ." This always meant to me, everyone would accept the fulness of the gospel and join in my faith. How wrong I was. Joseph Smith and Brigham Young both taught extensively about how other religions will still exist after the advent of his coming and during the millennium. All those who are truly seeking to be good people will be saved from the burning.

2-Parable of the 10 Virgins. I have always understood this parable to be directed at those who have received the fulness of his gospel. Only half of them will be prepared to meet the Lord at his Second Coming. Again, here came the blinders for me. I thought this meant those who will escape the calamities are only 1/2 of the members of my faith. That would be a very small lot. (I have to say this is a bit embarrassing to write about, as I realize how shallow and closed-minded these views were. But I actually think they are quite prevalent.)

What I now realize is "where much is given much is required." There will be a lot more simple, faithful people living in rural Afghanistan and China that will be saved than members of my own faith. It is ME who'd better be worried. Not them! "Approaching Zion" warns of this in large measure. It is much more difficult to keep ourselves out of Babylon when we are surrounded by money and media, than if we are trying to eek by to survive against the elements and keep our families alive and fed.

3-Satan is Bound During the Millennium. But...there is still agency. All people will be living righteous lives, but as God's plan will not be frustrated, all must still chose to follow him and the degree to which they will accept his truth. Again, there will be good people of all faiths. It will be a glorious time to arrive. In God's magnificent plan only the wicked are punished. All people who live virtuous lives will be rewarded. The key, however to the fulness of glory and happiness, of living together as families forever, is only through the church with His priesthood and authority on earth.

It really makes so much more sense. When Christ is King, and we have a true one-world order, not the false one so many seek to establish today, it will be a 1000 year season of peace and love for all those who are truly righteous and kind, and keep themselves out of the modern Babylon.

Lesson Learned and Applied

"Good" comes in so many colors and faces and religions. We can find it everywhere we go, if we are looking with a softened heart. I am grateful this week to have been taught by the wonderful ladies in the Cascade Literary Guild on the Orchards, the good word of God and his prophets, and my sweet husband. Hopefully I can become a more Christlike person because of it. And I just better watch out, because it is people like me who are in greatest danger of burning! (Well me, and the really obviously wicked.)

P.S. I know I give zero references for things, again this is more like a personal journal and I want my own family to search the answers for themselves, maybe I can give them food for thought and a springboard to start from.