After a big scare on Tuesday things are quiet on the home front now. I at least have another week in the clear, until my next doctors appointment/blood draw/collection.
The little sweet pea inside me should have fully mature lungs by this point. I know, because I had a 4 inch needle to the hip twice.
I have to admit this method my body seems to have of getting babies into this world is puzzling to me. Such a stark contrast to what I envisioned for myself. I just keep reminding myself of the lesson I learned at my hair dressers 6 years ago. "Just think what it might have been." If I was obese, sedentary, junk food addict, maybe I would have babies born at 29 weeks. But so far every time this body has taken them to 37 weeks. Instead of frustration, I begin to feel overwhelming gratitude. I have 3 beautiful children. One more on the way.
I have to admit, bawling to my doctor on Tuesday. This wasn't what I envisioned. I want to experience childbirth. The contractions, the challenge, the pain, the euphoria. But again I was reminded to count my blessings. I know too many beautiful women who would trade places in a moment with me, to carry their own child.
There are so many lessons to be found in life. Each circumstance I encounter helps me learn and grow and relinquish just a little more of myself to the Savior, recognizing I am not in charge. I pursue the path I feel he directs me in, but don't chose the things that meet me upon that path. Yet I am confident this is the right way for me. Without that confidence I don't know how anyone has the strength to meet all the challenges this world has to offer.
I'm reminded of Ellery's favorite part in Robert Frosts "The Road Not Taken."
Oh, I kept the first for another day
Yet, knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
"Proceed with confidence. Knowing your steps are guided as you strive to stay close to your Heavenly Father." These words are a personal treasure given to me 14 years ago.
I'm so sorry you've been having problems. I hope everything goes okay these next few weeks. I'll be praying for you!
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