Berkeley's Big Ride

Berkeley had her first big ride last night about 9 pm. We didn't have our camera so we couldn't capture the amazing contraption which nested her snugly inside the ambulance. But she did get a souvenir!

Berkeley was transferred to Utah Valley Hospital last night to their Level III NICU. It wasn't because she had digressed, thankfully, only that if she did AF would not be equipped to care for her. Better to transport while stable than in crisis. The neonatologists at UV felt strongly they wanted to be in charge of her care.

I experienced quite a bit of trauma with this change. Thankfully they let me hold her for 1 1/2 while still on her CPAP before she transferred. It was very soothing for both of us. Also, our wonderful nurse Julie, transferred with us, which made the transition much easier. At this hospital the neonatologists are directly watching her 24 hours a day. And the good news, she came off CPAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) again. She is once again on a high flow canula. She is also still receiving oxygen.

I can't begin to try to feed her until the reduce the air flow in her lungs. Right now, if she tried to suck, she could aspirate into her lungs. The neonatologist is convinced she has pnuemonia. They are treating her for that. I doubt there has ever been a mother who would be grateful if her child had pneumonia, but I would be. For me it would be a miracle if her cough and secretions disappeared in a week. I am so skeptical though.

My frustrations were high yesterday with all the doctors. I'm afraid I vented a bit. It made me so unsettled as I spoke about Ellery and Emmett and discussed similarities. They felt like a persistent, wet, productive cough could be very dangerous long term. The pulmonologist at Primary Children's who was so unkind and dismissive 2 years ago, suddenly wants to talk to us, and see Berkeley and the children.

My fear with Berkeley is that like Ellery and Emmett, she doesn't have pneumonia. All the bacteria cultures have been negative so far. I think as time passes and her strength increases she will begin to breathe on her own without help. She will learn to eat. And they will send her home with a thick, wet cough and assure me it will clear up in a week. Then it never will.

I thought I had found peace with this. But the passing comments of the doctors have raised all the same fears I have had for the past 7 years. It is a difficult time.

But on a lighter note, look at that beautiful head of hair on my little Berkeley Rose. And she is little. Still losing weight, but that should turn around soon.

We are so grateful for all the prayers and fasting on our little Berkeley's behalf. Thank you. It has been so wonderful to take a step forward instead of back!

An Emotional 18 Hours

Our poor little Berkeley Rose took a few steps backwards. I had been so emotionally strong up until this point. But to see my 4 day old baby back on C-PAP was more than I could handle.

Her retracting became very severe yesterday evening. She was put back on CPAP which inflates her lungs for her. They also reinserted her IV and began antibiotics again and several different lung treatments. The idea is to open the collapsed part of her lung, loosen the secretions and ensure that no infection develops while the fluid sits inside her.

Her lung xray looked better this morning, as did the gasses in her blood. She had a CT scan of which we are still awaiting the results. Last night was long and difficult as the contemplated transferring her to primaries for intubation. We are very grateful she didn't take a turn for the worse.

Today I was released. It was very difficult to leave her in the hospital. But I needed a break from the emotions and it has been wonderful to spend some time with the children. Please keep little Berkeley in your prayers. We know she will pull through this, hopefully we just move forward from this point.

PCD Strikes Again

Here I sit blogging, still in the hospital. Little Berkeley is well but still very weak. As the days have progressed, the fluid has begun to build up in her little body. She doesn't have the strength to move it through her. She is back on oxygen, and the respiratory therapists are helping her manually to clear her fluid. The doctors were worried she had pneumonia, because of the chest rattling and thick wet cough she has developed. I explained to them how Ellery and Emmett both have Primary Ciliary Dyskenesia and their history as babies. I was very impressed at the doctors knowledge of this rare genetic condition, and...he actually believed me. Berkeley's lung xray today showed a partial collapse (just like Ellery) which the doctor said is classic of PCD. (If only I had known what I know now, when El and Em were babes! It releaves so much stress and helps the doctors know best how to treat her.)

No timetable yet. She is off her IV (hooray) and they inserted a NG tube (from nose to stomach) and are feeding her my breastmilk. She is tolerating it really well. Still losing weight but not under 5 lbs so that is a really good thing. The waiting game is mostly when she will decide to suck and eat. The oxygen is no big deal. We can bring her home with that. We've done that before :)

Brent and I both had really hoped little Berkeley would get Callista's genes and be free from this, but we count our blessings as well. Of all the genetic conditions in the world, this one is mild and not life threatening. The most dangerous are these first couple months. But we are confident she will be as strong and healthy as her big sister and brother.

I will be released tomorrow, so will have to start camping out in the parent lounge. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. She will be just fine. The PCD won't be a problem and the eating will come with time.

A Little Snapshot of Berkeley

Berkeley Rose

Born June 10th, 2010 at 7:03 am

17.5 inches

5 lbs 8 oz

Here are a couple photos of our new angel...she is improving everyday. Still in the NICU but breathing on her own. She is building strength and hopefully will be interested in eating soon. No long term complications at all.

We are just waiting for her to mature a bit. Her gestational age appears to be a couple weeks behind what the doctors calculated.

We love her, but I miss her like crazy in my room by myself. Rooming alone in the hospital was not something I wanted to ever do again after Ellery. But overall we are all coping well. The kids are safely playing away at Grandma and Grandpas. Hopefully there are no more chicken predators on the look out for another tasty snack :)

More details to come....

Berkeley Rose

Berkeley Rose

June 10th, 2010

17 1/2 inches

5 lbs 8 oz

We will post and let you know when our little Berkeley comes home from the hospital. Thanks for your love and support.

Brent and Rebecca

On our Way

Last profile shot. Ready for baby! Here we go.

Just in Time

Guess what bloomed just in time for little Berkeley Rose's arrival?

I love thinking that every summer my first roses will arrive just as her birthday does. Some people think the rose is a common, cliche flower. I love them. I treasure my 14 rose bushes. They seem to be the only green thing I can get to flourish.

I painstakingly prune them all summer, with scratches galore as proof. But all summer long my house smells of fresh roses. I can't wait to bring a vase full of them to the hospital with me.

A Peek

I had a fabulous doctors appointment today, with a BP of 122/68! Imagine that. Getting a reading at the doctors like I do at home. Who would have thought it possible? My doctor was astounded. We had a good laugh. The delivery is still scheduled for Thursday morning. With the protein still in my urine at above 300, they feel the risks are greater to prolong the pregnancy.

But...more importantly, I asked if I could watch the c-section. He thought that would be perfectly fine. I just need to ask for a mirror! I am giddy at the prospect. This little token, would help me feel a part of the birth. It is so difficult to feel connected when I've never experienced labor, or any part of traditional childbirth.

Brent is completely grossed out by the entire concept.

....6 hours later....

I asked the nurses in Labor and Delivery tonight while I was having my NST about the mirror. They said there is no way they could work it out. That is disappointing. I am still trying to think up something.

(And my BP was ultra low my entire NST today. Seems like I am done panicking about having a premature baby. I wonder if they will allow me to forgo seizure medication? It is definitely worth asking.)

Constitutional Disclaimer

We use Drudge, as one of our main sources for news headlines. This one I came across this afternoon was quite shocking

Amazon is selling copies of the Constitution with a, I feel highly offensive, disclaimer.

Read the article here.

Of all the works that may need a disclaimer like this, I just can't believe the Constitution is one of them. All Americans have a duty to understand and study the Constitution. They should be able to understand and discuss it with their children and neighbors. It is neither a racist nor sexist or anything else. I am certainly no Constitutional scholar but I have read it in the last 3 months, and try my best to understand the principles upon which it is based and the intentions of the founders.

Dethronement? Not a Chance.

Of all the worries a new arrival brings, dethronement is not one I am concerned about with Emmett. He is his Father's man.

He also is an attentive caretaker. He snuggles, smooches, and cuddles his little "baby" frequently enough to melt any mother's heart. I am actually glad he is my only little boy. He is irresistible!

Joys of June

Running through sprinklers...

Emmett thinking he is ultra brave by constantly climbing up to the second story of the tree house... There is always a constant "MOM! MOM! MOM!" until I look up and acknowledge his bravery.

Getting down is a whole different story. (Brent and Ellery have recently been concocting a third story. I'm not sure how I feel about that.)

Playing "Bums Up" with Dad on the Deck...

Somehow Daddy seemed to evade the wall, hmmmm...

A new haircut for Ellery...

Date Set

One week from tomorrow, June 10th, baby Berkeley Rose joins our family! (That is of course, "If I make it that long." I try not to snicker when they pull out the drama on me now. I smile and nod and promise to call when I start seeing stars and having pounding headaches. They should start any minute they tell me.)

Think of me being sliced open at about 7am.

The end is finally in sight.

I haven't gone "SEVERE!" (That comment is laced in sarcasm. The doctors have been panicked I will "turn severe" at any moment since 29 weeks. But I am certain they are grateful I am holding on and padding all their pocket books.)

I am actually very grateful to be delivering a full term baby. (Her due date 7-3, but she will be considered full term.)

Enough with the grumbling. Our little family is just so ready to bring this baby girl into the world. I think baby and I have spent enough time in the hospital already.

From the numerous ultra sounds I think this little baby will look most like Ellery. But once again, she will be in a class all her own, because they told me again on Friday "Wow, look at that hair!"

Here are our three little raisins just after emergence....

Baby Ellery

Baby Callista

Baby Emmett