t h e m a y f i l e s is foremost a family blog, chronicling everyday life. Life including natural, healthy eating (with recipes thrown in at random), home educating (with ideas popping up sporadically), an attempt to homestead on .2 acres (with very meager yields), raising 3 of 4 children with a rare genetic disorder, and lots of highly personal family triumphs and failures. You may also find an eclectic array of musings on politics, exercise, sewing, emergency preparedness, backyard chickens, and religion. This blog isn't a campaign to glorify anyone or anything. Just simply a record.
Thoughts on Motherhood
"Taking care of a small, dependent, growing person is transforming, because it...exposes our vulnerabilities as well as our nobility. We lose our sense of self, only to find it and have it change again and again...We figure out how we want to interpret the wider world, and we learn to interact with all those who affect our children...Often our fantasies are laid bare, our dreams in a constant tug of war with realities. And perhaps we grow. In the end, we have learned more about ourselves, about the cycles of life, and humanity itself."
"Whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it"
I don't think I could sum it up any better. Some days I feel like my vulnerabilities parasitically feed on any nobility I might have in me.
...And how many times have I felt myself change in the last 5 years...when achieving and proving were tantamount...and then they weren't. When I thought my heart was full...and then at the birth of a precious child suddenly my capacity increased beyond what I though possible....changing again and again.
I fantasize of snuggling up with a good book, and being able to read uninterrupted for several hours...of sleeping through the night...of jetting off on a romantic vacation with just Brent...of a house that would clean itself....laundry that automatically folds and is whisked into the closets...of children who never yell no, or never are embarrased to kiss their mom...
Dreams and realities are a tug of war.
I am learning about myself and humanity. And I grow. I feel it.